The date is July 26,1986

The date is July 26, 1986. Yes, The Gripe Book is a good name for such a book as the one I am to write today and for many days following this. This will contain the remainder of my summer and continue into the school year which by the way is my first year upon entering high school. 

But from here, the rest of the summer looks as grim as it has been so far.

This month, my mother was admitted to the hospital with a cancerous tumour in her bowel. 

As for me, I am a fifteen year old teenager running a household basically on her own. My days consist of doing laundry, cleaning, watching tv and doing other sorts of chores such as cleaning bathrooms, cleaning up the kitchen about 8 times per day, etc. At night, I usually go over to R’s house and we call on D or she comes over. We usually stay at her house, not having anywhere to go. When my brother P gets home in time, he says as I’m about to go out - “Why don’t you help with the dishes?” and I think, Yes! Why don’t I? I’d love that! Even though I was the one who washed your breakfast dishes this morning and cleaned up your shithole bathroom! Does he honestly believe that I enjoy that? If he ever, ever calls me lazy I’ll spit in his face, because I don’t believe  I deserve that, and I’m not going to take it.

A quote comes to mind. A line from a song  by the Cure that reminds me of myself

“Charlotte Sometimes

crying for herself

Charlotte Sometimes

dreams a wall around herself”

You know I will follow anywhere the heart goes I will go until I know all I can be, 

Love can hurt when you go

Anywhere the heart goes I

Her sudden change of behaviour was familiar to me. Her ignorance and rudeness was far more harsh than I had ever been but she was cruel. I don’t think I have that quality and I must say, I’m glad. She’s a good person to me but she somewhat abuses everyone else. I think she should stop raising herself above the human race and learn to accept the way people are or the rest of her life will go down.

11:58 p.m. July 26th, 1986